Learning to Choose 3rianna

AI- generated image created using OpenAI DALL-E. “The journey of growth and strength.” Created April 2, 2026. Accessed April 2, 2026.

Learning to choose myself was one of the most challenging lessons to not only learn, but to accept. Oftentimes our upbringing and environment play a significant role in what we consider normal and abnormal. While I was growing up, respect was always expected and never a choice. In a way, respect shouldn’t be a choice, but instead something you present others naturally. Unfortunately, sometimes instilling values in children the wrong way can have negative effects. Respect meant that I listened, I didn’t question, and I always honored authority no matter what. Because of my strict upbringing I naturally attached a fear to authority. When you’re backed into a corner unable to express uncomfortability or even disagree with something, you begin to realize that your silence is seen as respect. I remember hearing certain members of my immediate family come to the conclusion of “She is always emotional but never tells us what is wrong or why she feels the way she does”, without ever acknowledging the role they played in that reality. I could cry openly, although it was frowned upon, but actually expressing something that might upset or expose someone else was not allowed.

As I stepped into adulthood, I began to see how far I had walked with this mindset of staying silent and putting others before myself. I would still find myself in predicaments where if I had spoken up and protected myself, I might have avoided the assault, or the mental abuse, or even the manipulation. I would never say no to anyone because just the thought of it made me feel guilty. Regardless of how uncomfortable I was in a situation or how uninterested I was in completing a task/favor, I refused to say no because I still believed I wasn’t supposed to. Nothing became crystal clear until I stood still and reflected on the chaos of my life. So many experiences that may have been avoidable. I had to really ask myself what kept me so disturbed when it came to choosing myself, and ultimately come to the conclusion that I needed to work on that tremendously.

Sims, Erianna. “Reflection found in serenity.” September 26, 2024. Accessed April 2, 2026.

In no way shape or form have I mastered the art of putting myself first, so I want that to be clear. There are countless moments where I choose silence over speaking up and slip back into my old habits. I still have a hard time saying no and not feeling guilty for expressing my thoughts and emotions that are tied to certain people and experiences. What I have come to understand is that no matter what my past looks like, or how many opportunities for change I have neglected, I still have a fighting chance to grow and treat myself the way I deserve. As an adult, I have been provided ample space to explore my unhealthy mindsets and let go of any and all of them that no longer serve my life. In this new season of life, choosing myself means walking a new path where I set healthy boundaries without attaching guilt to those decisions and truly honoring my mind, body, and soul. I am allowed to have a voice in this life because it is not a form of disrespect, but one of self-respect.

Bakos, George. “Woman in brown coat and blue denim jeans walking on wooden bridge during daytime.” May 25, 2020. Unsplash. https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-brown-coat-and-blue-denim-jeans-walking-on-wooden-bridge-during-daytime-VDAzcZyjun8. Accessed April 2, 2026.